Episode # 87
This week’s episode of caregiving for dementia was inspired by a Facebook group post someone said something about their siblings giving them a hard time about caregiving for their loved one.
If you are the main caregiver for your loved one you are the one that is dealing with the aftereffects of your siblings coming to visit. If they are not around 24 seven 365 days a year like you are, if they are not sharing in the caregiving you’ll need to be able to tell your siblings to kiss your you know what, if they start trying to telling you what you need to do and what you don’t need to do.
Mamma’s had six of us kids five of us are still living. Three of the five have just up and disappeared. They don’t call, they don’t write, and they definitely, definitely don’t come around to see mom. They have been gone for 5 or 6 years and if they were to show up today I don’t know that I’d would let them in the house. I’m not even sure I’d have a long drawn out conversation with any of them.
Your siblings should have enough respect for you and for your loved one that they would not argue too awful much about what you’re doing and what you’re not doing. If your siblings don’t have enough respect for you or your loved one then you need to be able to put them in their place. After all you are the one that’s taking care of your loved one not them. The siblings would have a hard time forcing you to do anything other than what you’re doing, especially if you have a doctor’s letter saying that your loved one is incompetent. So believe me and my siblings showed up and started trying to tell me how to take care mom or how not to take care mom I would waste no time putting them in their place and if need be waive the doctor’s letter at them just let them know that the Dr. knows that she’s incompetent and that you know that the Dr. knows.
When Mama divorced my stepfather the three siblings stayed with their father instead of living with mom and I. Now I’m not really going to whole lot of details here but they abandoned mom then.
When the siblings decided that they wanted to go to college they knew where to go to get the help for college they knew that mom would help them any way that she could. Mama helped all three of them through college one she even helped with other bills and did without a lot of things and we didn’t do a lot of things when it was just mom and I in my 20s because the three of them were in school. They needed mom while they were in school. Now then that Mama needs them, and they have all, once again up and disappeared.
Mama has two great grandkids that she’s never even laid eyes on. Mama is now so far gone that even if you brought the kids around Mama wouldn’t know them so Mama will never actually know those two great grandkids because their mother is not around.
Before Mama got sick my sister would come down and see mom and take mom shopping and whatever else they wanted to do but when they got home,all Mama wanted to do in the evening was rest. When she wasn’t here she would call every evening and talk to mom for at least an hour or so. But since Mama has been diagnosed with this devastating disease of dementia none of them are around. Mama