Episode # 34
This week on caregiving:
I want to talk to you a little bit about things that don’t get done. When you take care of someone no matter what the reason. There are, always things that need to be done that don’t always get done. Like housework! Whether that, be the dishes, the beds made, laundry, or any other need to do housework.
Now, when mom was in good health, she would clean the house and work. Mama worked up until oh, I guess, 1997 and even when Mama worked and was steel able keep the house clean. Now it wasn’t spotless, but it was clean. Now that Mama is not as well, Stephanie is working all day long. I mean she doesn’t come home until evening because of transportation. Michael is working 8 to 10 hours a day. So that only leaves mom and I hear in the house and the dog. So there are things, that yes need to be done, but if I try starting to do something, whether that be the dishes, laundry or sweeping the floor or whatever. 9 times out of 10 Mama needs something, and most of the time it is at the worst time.
It doesn’t always have to be housework. Many times, I’m on the computer and mom need something. I’m in a shower and mom need something. Or any other thing that we’re doing, we need to stop and take care of her, and because of that, there’s a lot of things that get put off until they just can’t be put off anymore.
There are things that I’d like to do that I’m not doing because it would take a lot of time to configure and I’d get deep in thought and Mama would yell because she needed something. Sometimes, that something, is she just wants to know that somebody else’s in the house with her, that happening more and more. A lot of the time, she’ll wake up from a nap and she gets really scared because she thinks there’s nobody else in the house. No matter how many times you tell her that she’s never in the house alone, it doesn’t seem to sink in.
When you’re the only one that is taking care of somebody else, whether that your children or your elderly parents and you know they’re scared, you do everything you can for them with them at any time. It also affects you a little bit also because for a while you’re trying to figure out why they’re so scared. A lot of times they can’t tell you, what, why there’s a scared. Singer, left with the feeling of that was weird. And for a while, you are worried about what it is that there is a scared of. Mamas, is to the point now, where she’s scared of her own shadow at times. Mama is seeing things that scare her. A lot of the times, the things that she sees are caused by her hallucinations due to dementia.
I’ve thought a lot about maybe hiring someone to do some of the things that I’ve been putting off. There are some things that need to be fixed, that Yeah, I could fix, but I get to fixing and Mama would need something. I thought about hiring somebody just to help with mom. Which we did for a while, but that got expensive. I’m not sure even if I was to hire someone to help take care of mom, I’m not sure Mama would let them.
I know there are times when Michael and Stephanie, both take care mom and evening, and Mama wants me. Michael and I had a discussion last night. Michael was telling me that when he takes care of his grandma. A lot of the times when she wants something, that something is me. I tried to tell Michael that I can’t be there every time Mama wants me. I’ve got a have a little bit of time every day for myself. The more time that goes by the worst Mama gets the more Mama wants me. I tried to tell Michael that she wants me because I’m the one that’s here 5 days a week, 12 hours a day. I tried to tell that he needs to work with his grandmother in times like that. I also told him, though I knew it wouldn’t be easy because Mama is so used to having me with her that it’s really hard for her to trust someone else. Because they’re not with mom as much as I am. I think that mom has trash issues with them when they take care of her. I’m trying to do my best, to work them into the routine in the evening and weekends. So that mom builds that trust with Stephanie and Michael so that I don’t have to be there as much. I really hope that mom will build that trust with Michael and Stephanie so that I can get a little bit of a break every day without happening to stay up past midnight just to have a little bit of time to myself.
I don’t mean for this to sound like I’m complaining I’m not. But these are the things that happen when you take care of someone no matter who it is. One of the reasons why I called this episode interruption. It’s because while I was doing this podcast I have gotten interrupted by the telephone, Mama need go to the bathroom, as well as needing something to eat for lunch.
So to wrap all this up. This is just what happens as you take care of your elderly parents or whoever it may be, that you’re taking care of. Don’t forget whatever you do, don’t forget yourself you need to take care of yourself as well. Cause if you don’t nobody will. So ask yourself this question. If you don’t take care yourself who’s going to take care of the one that you’re taking care of?
Stay tuned for next week’s episode as we discuss what we’re doing and what we’re not doing for the holidays due to dementia. Also a couple months from now I will be celebrating one year of podcasting. I’d like to have a little bit your input as to how we do that. If you’ll go to www.babymountainradio.com and leave us a comment as to how we should celebrate our one year in podcasting. I would appreciate it so very much. Thanks again for listening to Caregiving for Dementia.